Its been a long two years of trying to figure out what was going on with our sweetie pie, aka Kira. What started out as just "wow, this is a strong willed, articulate child" transitioned to a strong challenge on parenting and patience I am not sure we have found. She is an awesome kid. She is loving. She is nurturing. She is witty. She is smart. She is also the biggest challenge of my life. Here is my intro.....
This year her school staff said it best "Kira has really strong qualities that are great to have....as an adult. They can pose her challenges as a child". If that didn't sum up the last 24 or so months I am not sure what does.
Looking back we see all the signs...
that 2 year old head propped on two fists telling us she "was very disappointed in everyone and everyone was not going to talk to her like that" looking us dead smack in the face and not scared of anything, not wavering just a let-me-tell-u-how-this-works attitude...at 2. Oh Crap.
the 3 year old whose teacher said "Kira does best when she thinks she is the one teaching - rather than the one being taught"
the 4 year old who took it upon herself to escalate to the assistant principal to let her know "I've been thinking and that move to pre-k isn't necessary. I will be just fine where I am"
the 5 year old who cried each morning because she hated school and didn't want to go
the 6 year old who wrote her own name completely backwards or had ailments each afternoon to visit the nurse and get out of class . The little girl who was not known to have any behavior issues...until you made fun of her little brother. Than when she couldn't find you she'd find a friend of yours and kick the crap out of him for "having bad knowledge" citing "it's in my blood to protect my brother". From then on forward she would pass those boys in the hall and place her two fingers up to her eyes and point to them with the "I'm watching you signal".
the 7 year old who is happy as can be one moment and madder than a hornet the next.
the 8 year old who refuses anything she doesn't feel like she needs to /wants to do at a whole new level of defiance.
We were seeing more and more signs in First Grade. I suspected Dyslexia but the counselor told us it was normal to have reversals to 4th grade. I refused to agree to let our child have issues til she was in the 4th grade and realize we should have taken a stronger stance. We became a repetitive squeaky wheel. How can we have this child that sounds like she is 30 and can have this adult processing brain but struggles with her letters and isn't the social butterfly we know her to be? She'd take more to the children in her class with special needs so she could help them...again getting out of her own work and being the teacher. She was so nurturing and it was obvious their smile showed their appreciation of her friendship. It made you proud to see how she could show others how to treat people equally.
But then there was the part that it took on more of a distraction that she was avoiding her own work. She had to be reminded. She had to stay in for recess to do her work. She'd tell us on school work that mistakes didn't matter...she just needed to do it. Hm, really? We were confident they wanted her to do it the right way but she was adamant. Homework, even in first grade was a lonnnnnnnng process, even for a page. Each page was a negotiation of what needed to be done, how long it needed to be done. It never occurred to me until her teacher suggested it at the end of the year...it may not be dyslexia. It may be an attention problem.
My kid? ADHD? She stayed seated...she wasn't hyper...she didn't fit what I thought was the definition of a child who struggled with ADHD....but it started to make sense when I would read about it...never finishes a task...overwhelmed at too many directions....doesn't like a change in plans...leaves a trail of her stuff everywhere she goes...the jack in the box back pack effect (stand back when you open it, it will all pop out at you)....outbursts....but she wasn't hyper. Still convinced she was dyslexic we added this to the list as a possibility too and we spoke to the teacher assigned immediately. I announced myself as a high maintenance parent who would be in constant touch. I did not let down.
We had an awesome teacher. She "got" Kira. She knew what to acknowledge and move on from and she knew what to listen more intensely too. We set up goals to begin to isolate concerns. We started to work down a different path with a counselor and we scored her for ADHD. Bingo.
ADHD but without the H piece referred to as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Inattentive Type. Okay, I could deal with this right? Call me naive but I didn't anticipate challenges beyond attention issues. I was relieved that we weren't dealing with the hyperactivity, but I had no idea what else were components of ADD. There have been so many ups and so many downs. So many moments of frustration and sadness not knowing how to best help her. Feeling like you are drowning in the land of the unknown. Medicate? Don't medicate? Add medication? Don't add medication? Counseling? How often? What's being a kid and what is above and beyond and not within normal range. Do I totally suck as a parent that I can't keep her focused and on task or manage her emotions?
As soon as we confirmed we made tremendous progress in the first 90 days. We kept working ...all year long...we had success points we had set backs and every night was still a meltdown of homework hell. We officially asked the school to test her for Dyslexia. She didn't show Dyslexia (thankfully) but she did show such a drastic variance in her strong oral and cognitive skills to her defined struggle w written work ...so much that she qualified for an Individual Education Plan in support of the ADHD was impacting her Education. Finally! Help in the school system! She will get Special Education Services in the classroom for 3rd grade to help strengthen her written skills and start to hopefully...close that gap over time. I sent a note to her 1st grade teacher and shared our appreciation in listening and not discounting. Our advocacy of Kira was making a difference. So much to think about.....the onion is just starting to be peeled.
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