It’s been a while since I have sat down to write, but I think about it on and off. I just haven’t figured out how to communicate my mind without people thinking my family is bound to appear on Nanny911. While I am an over-communicator I am not up for public embarrassment or revealing my every parenting flaw to the world –for eternity.
I knew having kids would be fun and rewarding. I figured it’d be hard at times too. I just never knew how that roller coaster would surprise you with that quick stop look where you are at the top of the hill followed by that quick dive down. The last 2 months has been mentally exhausting. When I get home I just want to go to sleep –quickly but we all know that’s not going to happen with three kids who have homework, want attention, a snack, than dinner, than a snack denial and even still want to procrastinate bedtime for another kazillion “one more question” requests.
Kira has been my largest challenge over these last few months. I think she went right from 7 ½ years old to 30. She can hold a conversation with you like the strongest, articulate, argumentative adult. Well it’s always been that way –but now it’s in overdrive. You can’t do that little white lie to a kid thing. She knows it doesn’t make sense. She wants to be treated as an equal and wants to be heard.
I think I am living in fear of the future thinking how am I going to handle her when she is 16? Heck, when she is 9? When someone so little has no fear of looking you dead in the face and with the upmost confidence- and often calmness -tell you why you make no sense and how you impacted her day -what do you do? I don’t mean to come off like she is out of control, ruling the house….but I won’t have to worry about someone pushing her around that’s for sure. In fact, recently we were having a discussion about how her friend was more interested in playing tag with a boy rather than playing with her that day and she kept calling her name and the girl kept on with her game. Kira finally said “you are ignoring me and I do NOT like being ignored”. …..Me? Hand to forehead, breathe in. Okay so there was our first discussion on the difference of being direct and overly direct and if she wanted to have any friends we’d have to soften up a little bit. It’s been our focus of the month. How do I (Kira) get my point across while remembering that I am 7 and not the adult, the boss, the parent, the teacher etc. Okay, it’s been our goal as parents --not her goal. She doesn’t necessarily share our point of view it’s a challenge.
She has started this stare down “don’t mess with me look” if she is upset. I got it the other night when I interrupted her to saying the dinner Blessing. She was beyond perturbed. She was ticked. She wouldn’t cooperate with anything. After 20 minutes of bringing the family spirit down I pulled her into the other room and asked her what was up. She told me she “didn’t appreciate being interrupted”. I told her it was time for the prayer, she could have picked right back up afterwards. I got the snippy “I don’t even like being interrupted for the prayer” Gasp. Blasphemy. “Kira, God comes before your story, sorry. And you need to be obey your parents when they ask things of you”. Insert Death Stare “I am NOT a dog” …”Kira it just means that you need to do what we say. It’s a commandment that you learned in school”. Still not budging “I don’t like that commandment”, she said. I quickly let her know that God didn’t say here are 10, pick which 6 you are comfortable with following. It is what it is and we need to be respectful. It was a never ending conversation, well it could have been. I stopped it because I had this revelation that it would not be a winning conversation. She wants to come out right….
I am not sure how to tame her. I am not sure I want to. I mean there are parts of me that know I have to tame her to know how to use “her gift”. Confidence is great, when it is applied correctly. Confidence is bad when you become that bossy, know it all kid that no one wants to interact with today or that can’t’ take direction from anyone but her own mind. It’s not the way the world is set up.
There will be people who tell you what to do. There will be people in your life you do not care for. There will be teachers or bosses that don’t make you smile. There will be people who show you love, support and how to appropriately package and deliver her personality. I hope two of those people are Harry and I. We will mess up, we won’t always be the best role models for calmness or make every decision right, but we will always be there to pick her up, dust her off, re-guide and send her on her way. I just know not to do it before 8:30 am because she will NOT be nice.
God I love this child. She is feisty, nurturing, confident little fireball that will defend those she loves and are in her inner circle no matter what. I try to look to the future and see what she will do with her life. Some of the teachers told me they were talking and said “She’s going to be a lawyer or a journalist. Than we realized no –she is going to be you”. I guess that is it. She is modeling behavior, the good and the bad, the direct and the overly direct. I never said I was perfect but at least now I have a mirror to see what I look like.
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